Saturday, February 28, 2015
I've Moved!
My blog is officially moving to http://chellerocco.wix.com/adventuring! I've spent the last week or so working on my wix website (Most of their advertising is true. It's pretty user-friendly.), and I'm really excited about it! You can still find all my old posts there under archive, the new ones will just be snazzier.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Insecurities
While drinking my morning coffee yesterday, I came across an article in The Atlantic: "Vitamin B.S." It's an interview with Catherine Price, author of Vitamania: Our Obsessive Quest for Nutritional Perfection, during which she and the writer discuss how vitamins came to be, how they're used for marketing by food companies, and whether or not we need them. The history and controversy over vitamins and supplements was interesting, but what struck me most was Price's book title. Our Obsessive Quest for Nutritional Perfection. It may sound naive or just ridiculous, but for the first time I understood that nutritional perfection is a myth.
Every day we are inundated by information and images pertaining to our "health;" a story on NPR about curing/preventing allergies; magazine covers promising the secret to losing that last five pounds; Facebook friends posting about their latest endeavors in crossfit or the paleo diet. It's everywhere! We all buy into it sometimes in one way or another, myself included. What most surprises me, though, is that I bought into the myth that perfection exists. That if I just worked hard enough, I could have glowing skin, luscious locks, and be a size zero. I know! Models are airbrushed, photoshopped, etc, but knowing and believing are two different things! It's a relief to finally believe that the advertised "ideal" is fake.
As a woman living in the United States, it comes as no surprise that I have grown up with my own brand of body-hate. We all have our insecurities. As a kid, I was overweight and not in the cute baby fat way. I was a tank. I was never made fun of, but I was acutely aware of my weight.
I developed a complicated relationship with food, with my own body. At ten years-old I could rattle off how many calories were in most foods (thank goodness I've forgotten most of that!) and much of the food I ate was labeled "low fat/cal" or "diet" versions. I read weight loss articles in magazines and diet books I found lying around the house. I was a sucker for those "This or That" features. You know, the ones that try to shock you with the news that a Wendy's salad actually packs more calories than the grilled chicken sandwich.
I grew fascinated by bones, perhaps because mine own were elusive. I recall standing in line to cross the floor in dance class marveling at shoulder blades and wishing mine were visible too. In all fairness, this fascination is two-fold. Yes, I may have coveted the lithe figures of my friends, but I also used to sit on the floor in my living room looking at the photos in my mom's medical textbooks (Woot! Grey's Anatmomy!). I like to know how things work and the skeleton was really just another mechanical system to figure out.
Around twelve, I hit puberty and magically lost the weight. I kept, however, the thought processes of my inner fat child. With lots of work and self-reflection (and a healthy dose of yoga), I've come a long way from my insecure childhood. A few experiments with calorie-counting later and I've learned that when I become obsessive I become cranky and hungry and tired. I live in my body more now. I'm aware of it rather than trying to control it.
Throughout my teen and college years, I had the opportunity to get to know some people with wonderful self-esteem and they set great examples for me. I was amazed by a college roommate who didn't find gaining a few pounds soul-crushing. She just shrugged it off with the acknowledgement that once summer hit she'd start running again. It wasn't an issue.
One of the comments I hear most often when talking about Bike & Build and biking cross-country is, "You'll be in such great shape!" Great! I will! I also get variants of it that focus on losing weight. Secretly, I think these things too. I think it will be so great, but I try not to follow that line of thought. That sort of thinking leads me to obsessing over how my body looks. Instead I try to focus on what it can do. It's silly to feel guilty for eating a piece of cake! Food should not cause guilt!
Last week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I saw that a few events were happening but nothing especially compelling. While I've never had an eating disorder, I think it's important to talk about. We need to be able to talk about our own insecurities to overcome them. We need to have the support of our loved ones. For me, now that I'm training for this really awesome physical feat, that means I'm trying to rewire the way I think. When I start restricting my body, I catch myself and opt to take care of it instead (I try at least). After all, to bike 30-100 miles a day you have to fuel your body and give it what it needs.
Every day we are inundated by information and images pertaining to our "health;" a story on NPR about curing/preventing allergies; magazine covers promising the secret to losing that last five pounds; Facebook friends posting about their latest endeavors in crossfit or the paleo diet. It's everywhere! We all buy into it sometimes in one way or another, myself included. What most surprises me, though, is that I bought into the myth that perfection exists. That if I just worked hard enough, I could have glowing skin, luscious locks, and be a size zero. I know! Models are airbrushed, photoshopped, etc, but knowing and believing are two different things! It's a relief to finally believe that the advertised "ideal" is fake.
As a woman living in the United States, it comes as no surprise that I have grown up with my own brand of body-hate. We all have our insecurities. As a kid, I was overweight and not in the cute baby fat way. I was a tank. I was never made fun of, but I was acutely aware of my weight.
I developed a complicated relationship with food, with my own body. At ten years-old I could rattle off how many calories were in most foods (thank goodness I've forgotten most of that!) and much of the food I ate was labeled "low fat/cal" or "diet" versions. I read weight loss articles in magazines and diet books I found lying around the house. I was a sucker for those "This or That" features. You know, the ones that try to shock you with the news that a Wendy's salad actually packs more calories than the grilled chicken sandwich.
I grew fascinated by bones, perhaps because mine own were elusive. I recall standing in line to cross the floor in dance class marveling at shoulder blades and wishing mine were visible too. In all fairness, this fascination is two-fold. Yes, I may have coveted the lithe figures of my friends, but I also used to sit on the floor in my living room looking at the photos in my mom's medical textbooks (Woot! Grey's Anatmomy!). I like to know how things work and the skeleton was really just another mechanical system to figure out.
Around twelve, I hit puberty and magically lost the weight. I kept, however, the thought processes of my inner fat child. With lots of work and self-reflection (and a healthy dose of yoga), I've come a long way from my insecure childhood. A few experiments with calorie-counting later and I've learned that when I become obsessive I become cranky and hungry and tired. I live in my body more now. I'm aware of it rather than trying to control it.
Throughout my teen and college years, I had the opportunity to get to know some people with wonderful self-esteem and they set great examples for me. I was amazed by a college roommate who didn't find gaining a few pounds soul-crushing. She just shrugged it off with the acknowledgement that once summer hit she'd start running again. It wasn't an issue.
One of the comments I hear most often when talking about Bike & Build and biking cross-country is, "You'll be in such great shape!" Great! I will! I also get variants of it that focus on losing weight. Secretly, I think these things too. I think it will be so great, but I try not to follow that line of thought. That sort of thinking leads me to obsessing over how my body looks. Instead I try to focus on what it can do. It's silly to feel guilty for eating a piece of cake! Food should not cause guilt!
Last week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I saw that a few events were happening but nothing especially compelling. While I've never had an eating disorder, I think it's important to talk about. We need to be able to talk about our own insecurities to overcome them. We need to have the support of our loved ones. For me, now that I'm training for this really awesome physical feat, that means I'm trying to rewire the way I think. When I start restricting my body, I catch myself and opt to take care of it instead (I try at least). After all, to bike 30-100 miles a day you have to fuel your body and give it what it needs.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Wild
For the first time in 24 years, I saw a movie by myself and it was liberating! So I did what any young lady of my generation would do. I took a photo to upload to the internet... But in all seriousness, do it. Go and see a movie by yourself if you haven't done so already!
In April/May of last year I started reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I had just gotten out of the longest and most serious relationship of my life and was feeling a bit lost. If you've read it, you can see how I would identify with the author. I'm not exaggerating when I say I rebuilt my life around this book. Go read it, it's great. Just don't tell me if you hate it... It's definitely a book that needs to be read at the right moment in your life.
Anyways, my adventure! I walked into the empty theater to see the movie adaptation of Wild and looked around. I could sit anywhere without concern for another soul, living or dead. This may seem insignificant, but I always shirk decision making. When I go to the movies I try to nonchalantly let my friends lead. I'm the first to ask, "Where to?" After some moving between seats and shuffling about, I comfortably settled myself in the back row, just off center. I would have preferred dead-center, but the theater is set up so that center is the aisle, and that's just weird.
Seeing this movie by myself was an exercise in decision making and my own small adventure. It was a reminder that I needed. There's passage in the book, that was unfortunately left out of the movie:
Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. Insisting on this story was a form of mind control, but for the most part, it worked.
For months after reading this book, I clung to this passage. I thought of it when the house creaked. It came to mind when I was sad and heart-broken and wondered if it would ever stop. Most importantly, I called to mind this cluster of words when I considered choosing fear. When I debated going out for a bike ride because I didn't know if I could make it up the hill. When I considered not going to a gathering because I had no close friends there. Whenever the voice in my head told me that I couldn't when I wanted to.
Somehow, over the last few months I've lost track of this. This small saying, 'I am safe. I am strong. I am brave,' that I used as a reminder to hold myself accountable. I wasn't ready to let it go just yet, but I'd unfortunately forgotten it. Without it, I've found myself scared and sad and lonely more often than I'm willing to admit to the internet. Maybe this was just a movie and walking into the theater by myself was no large feat, but for me it was a much needed adventure. It was my reminder to be accountable. That I can and I will. In the end it will work out as it's meant to work out.
Setbacks
After my last post, I was gearing up to train full-force. I had just finished my second session with the trainer at the gym and was both sore and excited. Then, I got the flu. My mother and doctors have been trying to convince me to get the flu shot since I was seven (as an asthmatic, I'm considered high risk), but I have stubbornly resisted. In fact, I was proud of stubbornly resisting! What do they know, anyway? HA! The flu hit me upside the head on Saturday. Fever, chills, achey, the whole nine yards. I slept all day Sunday and then spent a few more days slowly getting better (with the help of Tamiflu). I'm on the upswing now, and I'm still not sure I will get the flu shot next year... (Sorry, Mom!)
Normally, I try to stay pretty positive, but this week I feel like I lost time. When I finally emerged from my bed yesterday afternoon, I realized how much there still is to do. With 24% of my fundraising completed and only a little over three months left, I have a long way to go. Not to mention training! With all this snow, even when I get my bike I can't bike outside just yet. But it's ok! I've almost recovered from illness and I'll be able to get back to the gym, and then it will be spring and I can bike outside. It's all going to be fine. Woosah.
Normally, I try to stay pretty positive, but this week I feel like I lost time. When I finally emerged from my bed yesterday afternoon, I realized how much there still is to do. With 24% of my fundraising completed and only a little over three months left, I have a long way to go. Not to mention training! With all this snow, even when I get my bike I can't bike outside just yet. But it's ok! I've almost recovered from illness and I'll be able to get back to the gym, and then it will be spring and I can bike outside. It's all going to be fine. Woosah.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Training Time
It's time to kick my butt in gear. Until now, I've been managing to drag my ass to the gym and do a 10-mile ride on one of their stupid stationary bikes at least once a week. My goal is three times a week, but I'm under the impression that I have all the time in the world to prepare for this trip. In the Rider Manual, they suggest 10 miles, three days a week starting in March, but I know if I don't start now I never will.
Biking, great! It's wonderful. However, I've been doing solely cardio, and I'm starting to feel like it. To even myself out and train more effectively, I made an appointment at the gym for Tuesday. I've been going to Planet Fitness for about a year now. They advertise that working with a trainer comes with the $10 monthly fee. I took advantage of it last February or March and was a bit disappointed. I got there for 6am (with a cold, mind you!) and he gave me a sheet of paper that listed the machines available in the gym and in what order to use them. The session wasn't completely unhelpful, but it was disappointing. When I went on Tuesday, I was determined to get more out of this session.
I got to the gym for my 6pm appointment and proceeded to fill out the form the trainer gave me. What are your short and long term goals? Any injuries? Past experiences with exercise? Pretty typical, but I had no clue what my goals were exactly. I'm not here to lose x number of pounds, I don't strive to life 400 pounds, I had nothing concrete to say. I settled for "increased stamina." I handed my form over to the trainer and, after scanning it, he took to highlighting another sheet that lists the machines, etc. I needed to act or doom myself to boredom with my silence.
Now, there was a time when I would have sat there and let myself become disgruntled. I'm sick of doing that, so I started talking about my trip. I'm biking across the country and I'm excited and it's kind of awesome and going to be difficult! He perked up, to say the least.
Apparently, he's a biker too. I could see the wheels turning (badum tiss). In the end I had to reschedule for Wednesday, but I'm getting three cycling-specific workouts out of it. I had the first one (leg day!) already and, boy, am I sore today. I'm meeting with him Friday for arms/back and one more time next week for core. I have to say, this is starting to feel real. It's exciting, but also a little frightening.
Biking, great! It's wonderful. However, I've been doing solely cardio, and I'm starting to feel like it. To even myself out and train more effectively, I made an appointment at the gym for Tuesday. I've been going to Planet Fitness for about a year now. They advertise that working with a trainer comes with the $10 monthly fee. I took advantage of it last February or March and was a bit disappointed. I got there for 6am (with a cold, mind you!) and he gave me a sheet of paper that listed the machines available in the gym and in what order to use them. The session wasn't completely unhelpful, but it was disappointing. When I went on Tuesday, I was determined to get more out of this session.
I got to the gym for my 6pm appointment and proceeded to fill out the form the trainer gave me. What are your short and long term goals? Any injuries? Past experiences with exercise? Pretty typical, but I had no clue what my goals were exactly. I'm not here to lose x number of pounds, I don't strive to life 400 pounds, I had nothing concrete to say. I settled for "increased stamina." I handed my form over to the trainer and, after scanning it, he took to highlighting another sheet that lists the machines, etc. I needed to act or doom myself to boredom with my silence.
Now, there was a time when I would have sat there and let myself become disgruntled. I'm sick of doing that, so I started talking about my trip. I'm biking across the country and I'm excited and it's kind of awesome and going to be difficult! He perked up, to say the least.
Apparently, he's a biker too. I could see the wheels turning (badum tiss). In the end I had to reschedule for Wednesday, but I'm getting three cycling-specific workouts out of it. I had the first one (leg day!) already and, boy, am I sore today. I'm meeting with him Friday for arms/back and one more time next week for core. I have to say, this is starting to feel real. It's exciting, but also a little frightening.
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